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Two main issues are in play here: honesty and uncommunicated expectations.

First, your husband offers an explanation for his behavior that is possible, but not highly believable.

Second, there's the issue of expectations you two have not discussed.

This situation underlines the importance of checking in with one's spouse or partner about the various aspects of long-term relationships: finances, in-laws, jobs, children (if any), housekeeping, plans, and sex. So, even though you said your vows and have been together for a while, it sounds like the topic of online chatting and surfing porn sites never came up.

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Unless he informed you or gave you the chance to participate in these activities, it was not an honest act on his part.

He also brushed off a chance to set the record straight without lying.

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